No one is coming to save you from your life. Put on your shoes, stand up and march that shit out. Hell, crawl if you have to, but giving up is not an option. It is impossible to wish yourself out of existence.
You are…and will be.
The elements that make up your body will still live on even if you force your lungs to stop. You might as well fucking embrace all of this.
This moment is a mighty asshole of a teacher that will keep knocking at your door no matter how much you try to ignore it. I dare you to give this pain a purpose. Grit your teeth, take its hand and march that shit out.
Your Kick-Ass Soul
P.S. I love you.
I frantically scribbled this letter in my journal several months ago. I was overwhelmed by all the things I had to figure out on my own now without my husband post-divorce. Honestly, I just felt like giving up. When you rely on someone or something for so long you forget about the gaps that that person or thing filled in your life. When that vanishes you can feel a bit like swiss cheese in the life skills department…a slightly sour, maybe smellier, version of yourself with large holes missing.
My internal dialogue can tend towards histrionics in crisis situations. I find myself using such unhelpful words like “always and never.” Example…”My life is always falling apart.” Or “I am never going to be able to find a job in this economy.” My mom used to say “always is always false and never is never true.” I am not sure I entirely believe that adage, but there is some merit in trying to keep ourselves from labeling temporary situations with absolute statements like “always” and “never”. When I take an honest look at a situation that feels impossible (for instance…finding a job during a pandemic and impending recession) I try to be really judicious and tough with how much I invest in the always’ and nevers’.
In situations like this I focus on what is my desired outcome. In this case my desired outcome is to find a job. Does it ultimately help me or hurt me to construct a narrative that will discourage me from accomplishing this goal? The way I see it is that there are already enough people that are all too willing to tell you why you won’t succeed. Why spend time doing the same to yourself? Besides…when facing a tough situation when has anyone ever said to themselves “wow…you know what I need right now…I need someone to tell me all the reasons why this wont work and all the ways I am going to screw this up.”
So, my advice to you is this: Don’t wait for your internal critic to agree with you. Just start moving in the direction of your desired outcome. Step by step…get up, put your shoes on and march that shit out…while practicing social distancing of course.
Much love dear friends! Keep your head up and your laces tight.